ONE YEAR TODAY, YAAY!!!!!!! THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!

Dear viewers and fans:  Let me start off by thanking God for his love and mercy, and for letting me make it this far.  I'm celebrating 1 year since I've started this blog.
On January 16th, 2015 we had recorded 3,053 views, from both local and international viewers.  On our google + pages we have a record of  8000 + viewers.  For that I would like to thank each and everyone of you  for supporting me.

I'm also sending out a special THANK YOU to my TWITTER followers, thanks for your love and support. Angel Evans, love you baby girl, and thanks for your support.

A very special thanks to Evencia Carty Seabrookes; she kicked me into gear, kept me on my toes with her burst of energy and motivation.  I also must commend her for the SPECTACULAR INTERVIEWS she had done with my Dad and Ms. Shama Flurton. THANK YOU VENCIA, much love.

Thank You Dad, Mr. James.E. Maduro for your out spoken interview and your kind words, LOVE YOU DAD!!!! THANK YOU also going out to Ms. Shama Flurton, on your courageous interview, I must say now that the way you spoke about our friendship brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for keeping it real, love you girl.

A special THANK YOU is going out to our President at S.A.F.E. SXM, Ms. Lysanne Charles Arrindell, on her interview for both OUT'N'PROUD SXM and S.A.F.E SXM.  I also want to commend her and the BOARD at St. Maarten/ St. Martin Alliance For Equality on their new Lobby for SAME SEX MARRIAGE to be LEGALIZE here on St. Maarten. Thank you and the board for a job well done, and you guys at S.A.F.E have my full support.

To my local community, thank you for your support.  My kooyman family, thank you for following me and supporting me.

For those of you that shared your stories with me, THANK YOU for trusting and believing in me. I also hope that you are more acceptable of yourselves, and living the life that makes you happy.  I've been called many names, and that didn't stop me from being the person I am today.  I live my life for me and not for others, and I urge you to do the same, LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU AND NOT FOR OTHERS.

This year we're going to have more local coming out stories and international news.  Its important to let people express themselves, do not bully them because they're different, because you too are also different.  Instead listen to them and give advice, don't call them names and shun them, they're HUMAN just like you, with feelings.

BE TOLERANT, and show your peers how to be TOLERABLE.  SHOW LOVE, TOLERANCE and ACCEPTANCE.  WE ARE ONE PEOPLE, ONE COMMUNITY, AND TOLERANCE AND ACCEPTANCE STARTS WITH US.


                     THANK YOU
                      MINELVA MADURO.

A Gay Dad’s Requiem for Leelah, the Matthew Shepard of our time;

To the lovely Leelah, and all the Leelahs in the shadows,

You feared that you could never be loved, and yet here we are. Your absence has broken our hearts. The love for you was in the world all along. It sat quiet, waiting.

In that regard, it failed you. You needed to know it was there, that it was possible. You needed to know that it was your legacy, and it was possible for it to come not from a million strangers mourning your loss, but right back in the gaze of a man, and loving friends who saw you as you were, and met the vision of you with adoration.

I know that was there for you. But you didn’t know it.

It was a love that said, Leelah, we are waiting for you to be you, your authentic self. Whether that self “passed” as a person who was born resembling a woman to your family, or as one who transitioned physically into one— it makes no difference. Beauty is not about cis-gendering, it is not about passing as someone else, it is about being the real person. You were that real person.

I have two 12 year old sons. I thrill as each becomes more and more who he is, every day. Should I falter in being there for them, if I screwed up my parenting and tried to shove them in some role or characterization, I would want the world to step in and correct me and make me allow them to be themselves. I wish someone had done so for your parents.

I am sad that we did not make you feel welcome. I am sad that we did not give you the hope to know your life could be wonderful. I am angry that we allowed the trepidation over infringing on someone’s dogmatic belief system kept us from reaching you and protecting the very basic human rights you demanded and deserved.

As you said goodbye to us, you let us know you had a voice. It was an important voice, and still is. It may have been the most important voice some of us had ever heard, and now, it is silenced.

You are right. Saying “it gets better” is not enough. We all need to be dedicated to making it better — now, and to cry that out. It will be better because we are insisting that changes be made. We cannot thrust our precious transgender brothers and sisters into the mercy of fate and a growing understanding. We need to bring that understanding to fruition as immediately as possible. We lost you while we warmed with the idea that equality was dawning, seemingly ignorant to the fact that pockets of hell still flourished in our patience.

You wanted your death to mean something. You wanted your death to be counted among the numbers of transgender casualties that are all too common.

I would deny you nothing, beautiful Leelah, except for these two requests. I cannot honor your death. It is an event that I wish with all my soul had not happened. I will not fold you into a horrific number that I want to see reduced, not increased.

It is your life that I will honor. It is your uniqueness and the uniqueness of all the others who today suffer as you did. I will fight that all those lives come out of the shadows and live and become powerful. You were not a number. They are not a number. You, they, are incredible and important human lives and I want to feel and experience your impact.

If another Leelah is reading these words, please know that I already respect you as one of the bravest on earth. I am in awe of the discovery you have made about yourself and offer my commitment to hold your hand as people understand who you are.

I am here to fight the hard fight—to make this world safe for you, worthwhile for you, available to you. I will not relinquish.

I will fight like hell. I need you, all the hidden Leelah’s to fight like hell too. We must end the option of transgender suicide. Get mad. Get vocal. Even get militant.

Don’t leave us. Your death stunned us. I can only imagine what your life would have done.

The Life and Death of Leelah Alcorn; Known to her parents as Joshua Alcorn

I will never forget the stunning image of Matthew Shepard’s hate crime. A young beautiful human was beaten, tortured and left for dead in an unthinkable violation. It shocked me when I saw the images, and I was not alone. Matthew’s fate left and indelible impression that has become part of our collective culture to this day.

This week, another tragedy, another life destroyed, left a similar impression — the death of Leelah Alcorn.

One of the publishers I work with sent me a quick message on New Years Eve. “You might want to write one of your ‘Gay Dad’ letters to the parents of this teen.” It was Leelah’s story. She was known to her family as “Joshua,” and she had killed herself. A pre-published letter appeared online. In the letter she eloquently explained why she was going to end her life in more emotional detail. While certainly many other young people had ended their lives before her, Leelah’s account of what she had endured was unprecedented.

In doing so, Leelah transformed from the latest tragedy to one that emblazed into the consciousness of a mass audience. Her plead to “make her death matter” resonated.

Many progressive bloggers felt moved to write about her including John Pavlovitz, Kathy Baldock, Jillian Page and Susan Cottrell. The evangelical Christian world was starkly quiet, issuing no statements of condolence, responsibility or regret for the environment it inspired. The Christian Post offered no mention of Leelah’s death at all even though it had been broadcast across all major media outlets in the country. Charisma News offered a single article by Michael Brown that called the situation “tragic” but instead of addressing a situation exacerbated by shortsighted Christian dogma, called for “time and energy into looking for the root causes of transgenderism.”

Without a stark image of a cross like fence on a cold crystal Wyoming plain, Leelah made an impression comparable to the crucified Matthew Shepard. She had become the image of the victim of transphobia as he had the victim of homophobic hate. In this case, her own testimony was the cross, and instead of a mother who would become the forward bearer of the message, her mother was cast as the villain.

Her story, as transgender activist Miriam Nadler tweeted, is tragically shared by many. “Cis people: please understand that the death of #LeelahAlcorn is not a statistical outlier. This story is common, cruel, and preventable.”

Susan Cottrell observed, “Yet another destroyed life over people’s ignorance and cruelty.There are no words to express the collective grief over this poor girl’s death, and anger at her parents’ misguided actions that drove her to it. Leelah’s parents made several mistakes and didn’t know it – or didn’t care.”

Author Dan Savage was even more direct, “We know that parental hostility & rejection doubles a queer kid’s already quadrupled risk of suicide—rejecting your queer kid is abuse, Leelah Alcorn’s parents threw her in front of that truck. They should be ashamed—but 1st they need to be shamed.”

Washington Post’s Caitlin Dewey disagreed stating, “If you think the best, most effective possible action you can take to advance transgender rights is to harass the grieving mother of a recently deceased child, you lack imagination, humanity, any experience with grief, or some combination of the three.”

For her part, Leelah’s mother, Carla Alcorn, claimed to be ignorant of her child’s struggles. She told CNN that the transgender challenge was in a single conversation and it was not until after her child had died that she had even heard the name “Leelah.” “We don’t support that, religiously “But we told him that we loved him unconditionally. We loved him no matter what. I loved my son. People need to know that I loved him. He was a good kid, a good boy,” she added.

Leelah’s father Doug Alcorn wrote, “We love our son, Joshua, very much and are devastated by his death. We have no desire to enter into a political storm or debate with people who did not know him. We wish to grieve in private. We harbor no ill will towards anyone. … I simply do not wish our words to be used against us.”

Doug and Carla Alcorn plan to say goodbye to someone named Joshua. The rest of the world is mourning a vibrant young woman named Leelah.

For me, as a gay dad, I have complex feelings around this horror. Front of mind for me is that Leelah’s death, in all its devastation, not be held as an event to be emulated by other transgender teens in similar situations. We must collectively strive to shut down the bloodshed on all fronts. Second, I have written to, and about, worse parents. There are parents who have wished their children dead, violently attacked and killed them. The Alcorns are not one of those. As a dad, I cannot fathom the pain they must feel. I do not know how I could possibly survive the death of one of my children. It is a strength I don’t believe I possess.

The philosophy that Doug and Carla Alcorn labored under is culpable however. As my sons have approached their adolescence, guesswork on where their inner compasses are leading them has commenced. I strive to be there to support their emotional health as they find themselves through hormonal and social growth. I cannot imagine ignoring a deep-seated plea on their part due to my own allegiance to some set of dogmatic rules. Carla Alcorn did that, and still appears to be doing so.

A wave of concern has emerged over how Leelah will be buried, and what name and the gender will be used. Her family seems to be avoiding a memorial all together to avoid the inevitable protests of their actions.

From my perspective, the death of Leelah is bigger than a funeral. Her death is bigger than failed parenting. It is the result of both a religion-based culture that ignores science and a largely apathetic public on the issue of transgender dignity. She is the mark in the sand of our collective societal consciousness. Her death asks the question on human rights — at what point have we reached the breaking point in tolerating transphobic behavior that ruins young lives. Matthew Shepard’s death asked the same question about thousands of hate crimes that had preceded him.

The religious right has framed the conversation as one of “Religious Freedom”. Fear of infringing against their rhetoric, basic human rights violations have been quieted. We have reached the point where we have to ask whether some supposed adherence to these “religious freedoms” that allow for abuse needs to be compromised in order to achieve common human rights and respect for all.

The Joy Of Giving Not Only At Christmas Time

My Christmas Card to the Family with Two Dads Who Gave Up All Their Christmas Presents to a Group of LGBT Homeless Youth

Years ago when my partner and I were deciding whether or not to have kids, we made two lists. The first was a “cons” list. On that list were all the pragmatic reasons why it would be difficult. I was in my forties—too old? There were college savings, education concerns. We would have four mouths to feed. Then we decided to make the “pros” list. My partner started out, “The looks on our children’s faces on Christmas morning.” The next sound was me ripping up the “cons” list. He closed the deal.

As my sons have grown, and are both now 12-year olds, it is no longer their looks of joy of which I am proud. It is their enthusiasm over what they are excited to give to others. They have been sneaky, and a tad dishonest lately, but it has all been to slyly slip into stores to spend their own allowance money on our different family members.

Recently, I met a family who has taken this spirit to a whole new level. Steve and his partner live in the Midwest. They count as their family members Steve’s two grown daughters, one daughter’s husband, and his 13-year old son.

Steve has always believed in giving to others. Throughout his previous 15-year marriage, he was often a foster-dad, and gave home at different times to over 100 different children. This year he broached a philanthropic idea to his family: “Let’s be a substitute Santa for a homeless family in need.”

His son loved the idea, and his daughters were soon enthusiastically on board. The family began examining their budget and how much could be done. It was determined that they could reasonably put together big packages for two families. That was not enough for Steve’s kids. How could they reach more people, they asked dads Steve and his partner “T”. Steve speculated out loud, “The only way we could do more is if we pool ALL our Christmas gift money for each other, and do this instead.” The consensus from the entire family was a resounding “Let’s do it!”

Younger daughter “L” told me, “Donating my Christmas gifts was an easy decision this year. Growing up as a Christian, the story of the Good Samaritan was told many times. I try to follow this example and serve those I can, not only during the Christmas season but throughout the year. Several Christmas’ ago, our family was in need of some help during the Christmas season and some kind neighbors were able to help us out, so when it was suggested to help someone else in need it was an easy decision to return the favor.”

More family members came on board, specifically former foster children of Steve’s, and contributed. The targets of the gifts changed as they dug into local needs further. Steve found out about a program sponsored by the local Pride organization and two churches that fed homeless youth, mostly LGBT. The majority of the teens had been thrown out of their homes for coming out to their families. They were now not welcomed home. This was consistent with homeless teen populations nationwide.

Merry Christmas from the Out N’ Proud Family and a Happy New Year

Melvina Maduro

The Life and Journy of a Transgender

A Transgender Man’s Personal Day of Remembrance and Vision for the Path Ahead        

It’s 2am. I’m leaning against a parking meter on a grungy, half lit street outside of a night club in San Francisco. The air around me is electric. I open one bleary eye to see the concerned and horrified faces of my friends.
Something is wrong.

I put my hands up to my face and I can almost feel the thick purple sludge of the bruises under my fingers, somewhere people are still yelling and all of the pain jumps to life under my skin. I’m alive, that much is painfully obvious.
It is January 6, 2008. I’ve just been hit over the head with a Patron Tequila bottle. As my bones gave way under the relentless force of that blow, some deeply held belief, some dark fear took root: I don’t deserve to be safe.

We don’t often celebrate survival. We enjoy the story of the character that overcomes, they who rise above or move beyond some tragic set of circumstances to experience a more palatable version of success – but not just surviving. Before the conditions can be met to thrive, one has to be assured of their ability to survive.

For thousands of transgender people around the world, survival is success. My story is not remarkable. For many of us, violence is inevitable. It is an unavoidable consequence of our choice to be true to ourselves. It’s not just the reaction that’s violent, it’s the process.

It’s a startling realization at a young age that something isn’t quite right. It’s the silent tears streaming down the face of the adolescent child looking back at you through the mirror at a body you can’t make peace with. It’s the ball of knots in the pit of your stomach when you wake at 4 am and realize you’re going to have to face tomorrow with that same face you have today. It’s the first time your shoved walking down the hall and suddenly you know that whatever it is you can see, so can they.
It’s the first time you ask yourself what’s wrong with you. It’s the last time you ask it thinking it might not be true and finally accept that you are what’s wrong.

It’s the insidious, thick web of thoughts that infest your mind and you find yourself consumed with self-doubt, hate, shame and fear. You have to survive. The idea is that it gets better, but really you get better. Somewhere along the way you either become strong enough to be true to yourself at all costs, or you don’t. You either face the pain and choose to live free, or you don’t. You either make a choice to follow that unique soul song inside of you against all odds and all notions about what you should or shouldn’t be – or you don’t.

And when you’ve finally wrestled with the internal aggression then you’ve got to face the world. The violence that transgender people face doesn’t stop at our skin, in either direction. There is an internal battle that rages alongside the external war for dignity and respect. It is an epidemic of fear and misunderstanding that costs so many transgender people their quality of life, if not their physical essence.

Even at a time of more mobility, more visibility and more possibility than any other generation of transgender lives, very few come through this journey unscathed.
And so we remember. Any culture that seeks to thrive must know and celebrate its history, so we choose to remember. Today, as we pause for Transgender Day of Rememberance, we honor the lives lost, more often than not, to brutal and degrading violence. For every name we read, we know there are hundreds we’ll never know. Thousands of names that have passed without recognition, without celebration, but with no less dignity. To those we’ve lost, by any means, we honor you today. To our brilliant advocates and activists who have stood on the front lines and shouldered the blows, we celebrate you. Thank you for your courage, your bravery, and your vision.

Until now, Transgender Day of Remembrance has been a solemn and sobering day of acknowledgement. Until now, we’ve had to endure stories of pain, heartache, loss and shame. Until now, until this generation, we’ve been a people who’ve struggled to survive amidst a vitriolic storm of misinformation and fear. Until now, when our social media feeds are flooded with stories of young children who claim themselves as whole at a young age and whose parents provide them with support. Until now, when we enter a grocery store and see Laverne Cox on the cover of TIME Magazine. Until now, when anyone, anywhere can open YoutTube and watch the journeys of hundreds of people making their transitions publicly, ask any question imaginable and find people just like them a few keystrokes away.

The narrative of our bodies has begun to evolve to include our humanity and provide us with dignity in a way that has not been possible at other times in history. The names, which are often read aloud at remembrance vigils, are often the only time these deaths will be acknowledged and the list is overwhelmingly populated by transgender women of color. Among transgender people, violence is an almost certain condition. Until now.

Our bodies are beautiful. They are complicated and unique. Our stories are powerful and profound.
They deserve to be heard, to be seen and to be celebrated.
Today, we remember those we’ve lost and I’d like to challenge us to celebrate those we have. Transgender bodies can offer us a window in to what is possible when we dare to break free from limited beliefs about biology and cultural constructs. They teach us about the strength of the human spirit when it refuses to be bound by what has been and has the courage to embody what can be. Our experiences may be unique, but our lessons are universal: Every body deserves to live Free. Until now, we’ve had to fight to survive.

Today, we remember to Thrive.

My Open Letter to the Two Gay Dads, Parents to One of the Most Special Boys in the World         

    

It all started with a haircut. Chad, a 22 year old young man, not out about his sexuality, got into Wayne’s chair at a salon. After discovering a sincere enjoyment of each other, they went on a date a week later. Over the course of a year, they realized their slow moving relationship had built into something very solid between them. At the time, they had no idea how solid it was going to have to be.
Others noticed their mutual devotion. In 1999, Wayne’s grandmother was the one who popped the question. “When are you two getting married?” she asked them. They politely explained that same sex marriage was not legal and Grandma gave them a look they will never forget. “She looked at us like we were a dumb as a sack of potatoes,” says Chad, “She asked us if we loved each other, and we said yes, so she asked again ‘So then when are you getting married?’” It was a wake up call for the couple. They had as they call it, their “aha” moment. It was not what was legal that was important in building a family. It was the love. A few years later, they would take this lesson further by demonstrating that family is not doing only what was required, but doing what is mandated by their hearts.
Wayne and Chad married three years before it was recognized in Canada. Wayne had always wanted to be a father as well, and one Christmas, he made a proposal to Chad. “We have a great life now, but it is time to grow. Do we want to be doing just the same thing in ten years? I want to share new challenges and adventures in life with you.” The proposition resonated with Chad.
Many would deny gay men the opportunity to be parents because they cannot biologically create children on their own. For Wayne and Chad, the ability to inadvertently procreate was not a negative. They found themselves enthused where others had a sense of resignation and defeat. “As a gay couple, adoption was our version of pregnancy from an excitement point of view.  For the straight couples we met, it was the final step in a difficult journey of infertility.  When we took our adoption classes (in Canada you have to take mandatory classes in order to qualify for adoption) we were on cloud 9 which was a noticeably different head space than most the other couples in the classes.”
Their happiness seemed to be fulfilled when a beautiful baby boy was born, and they named him Grayson. There were problems right away and they were informed that Grayson would require open-heart surgery, on which they signed off immediately. Four hours after the surgery, the men were informed of another issue. It had become apparent to the medical professionals that Grayson suffered from a potentially lethal disease called Maple Syrup Urine Disease (MSUD). MSUD patients are missing an enzyme to safely breakdown leucine (an amino acid in protein).  Without that breakdown, and by taking in too much protein on any given day, they suffer immediate and irreversible brain damage. When they were informed of Grayson’s condition, Wayne and Chad did not know whether or not Grayson’s brain had already been damaged. Wayne states, “It was for me perhaps one of the worst moments of my life. That moment was numbing, paralyzing.” They were told that they could back out of the adoption if they wanted to, and no one would judge them.
But, all they could think was, “If not us, then who?” They loved Grayson, and cared about him for four days. They had signed off and worried through life saving surgery. If they were intimidated away, certainly no one else was going to step in. Still they found resolve in the fact that they undertook their future life with a conscious decision. Chad states, “We actively chose our path. Birth parents in our situation do not get to choose.”
While taking ownership over their choice, it is readily apparent that the love within them was a compelling driver to what they had to do. They have received many well-intentioned sentiments, but due to the constant and intense challenges, some comments were inaccurately hollow. “We had a lot of people tell us Hallmark-like things like ‘Life only gives you want you can handle’.  I’m sure these types of statements make that person feel good, but it made us feel like crap as it seemed like this was way more that could handle at the time,” shares Chad.
“If not us, then who?” has also been their theme as they stood up to advocate against the disease, create awareness, and fight for kids with a variety of special needs diseases. “If not us, then who?”
The couple has made it a mission to reach out about MSUD and fight the disease. They have contacted celebrities, groups, and magazines — anyone who could help. One group has stepped forward more than any other. Wayne states, “It has been the gay community that has consistently reached back to help us move forward. That’s not to say we haven’t had the support of many, many others, but it is “our” community that seems to be the most willing to speak up and use their voice to help us and our son.” If not us, then who?
Grayson will never be “out of the woods”, but his dads, on a daily basis, keep him safe.  “We have a new heightened level of stress that we live in, all day, every day.  However, as Grayson’s blood is analyzed every week, they know down to the molecule if he has enough hydration, sodium, amino acids etc. Those results are then sent to his dietician and doctor who recalculate his meal plan.  The end result is that Grayson is almost bionic as he has the perfect intake a child his height/weight/activity level should have.  So we seem him as healthy, which he is.  It’s just his risks when he is unhealthy are extreme so we walk a fine line of health,” they report.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pxLe6Z8Q5wE
Their life goes on.  “Grayson has taught us to be present, to enjoy what we have today as it’s too stressful to think about the future. He has actively participated as the featured story/child in numerous fundraising campaigns, telethons and charity events.  We hope that a side benefit of this involvement is that it will help empower him, as he will see himself as a key player in helping the hospital, instead of just being an ongoing patient there.”
Grayson is growing to be the son of his dads. Grayson has made them laugh harder and smile longer. He is exceptionally brave and kind hearted.  He is social, funny and intuitive. Dad Wayne taught him to say greetings with a British accent which enhance his already insurmountable charm. Recently Grayson did a photo shoot with the mascot for a local Children’s hospital. He has loved the mascot for a while and was thrilled over the idea of being able to hang out with him.  Much to his dads’ surprise, instead of wanting to go off and play with the mascot alone, Grayson instead took the mascot’s hand and asked if they could go visit the other kids in the hospital.  He needed to take entertainment to the kids who needed it. If not Grayson, then who? That’s the kind of kid Grayson is growing up to be.
Here is my letter to Grayson’s dads:

Dear Dads,
I don’t think that in the history of parenting that there has been a group so disparaged as much as gay dads. It used to be that the concept was so foreign and so vilified that all the religious right had to do in order to drive homophobic fear into the hears of their constituents was to show them a picture of two men pushing a baby carriage.
Yet, in spite of such vilification men like you, and me, persevered. We had a love within that persisted and we knew there would be a child, or children, who deserved it. Over the time of knowing that was who I am, and fighting ignorance, I have met many incredible LGBT parents. The two of you are among the finest of them, and of any straight parents I have ever encountered either, for that matter.
I am proud to identify with you. Even though I cannot pretend to understand all you have been through, I am proud to be a gay man as you are, a father, and one who is ready to advocate and fight on behalf of a child, my child. There are children in need in this world, and many LGBT parents who are ready and willing to be there for them. A recent study speculated in fact that if all the LGBT couples who wanted to foster/adopt kids were allowed to, we would deplete the US system of kids in need. What a nice shortage for a society to have.
I defined this article by calling Grayson one of the most special boys in the world. Many parents will likely give me flack for that, myself included, as we all see our own kids as the most special. I am sticking by this label for Grayson however, and not because he has a disease that we must find a cure for, and not because he is beautiful, charming and wonderful.
He is of the most special boys in the world because he has you, the most special of parents. He has dads who are two ordinary men who have stepped up to do an extraordinary thing. Two men who discovered, as was said to you, “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” Because of you, Grayson is more than a boy with a disease, he is blessed.
He is not alone. We are all blessed for knowing you and seeing of what a family is capable. You live one day at a time, and it has got to be draining. You have shown us a better vision of what it means to be dads and parents. You have made the world a better place.
If not you, then who? It needs to be all of us.

OUT' N' PROUD MEETS WITH THE PRESIDENT OF S.A.F.E SXM!!!

OUT’N’PROUD MEETS S.A.F.E SXM 

 MinelvaMaduro:
Please introduce yourself to the OUT’N’PROUD viewers.

Lysanne Charles:
My name is Lysanne Charles - Arrindell and I am one of the founders of St. Maarten/St Martin Alliance For Equality (SAFE or SAFE SXM for short) Foundation. I am also its first and current President. In addition to SAFE I am also busy with Foundation 5 Square Miles, which is an artist organization focused on poetry, spoken word and short story writing. I used to be a teacher, but I currently work for the Government of St. Maarten and I have been married to my beautiful wife for the last year and a half. And it's a pleasure to introduce myself and SAFE SXM to your viewers and encourage them to come out and join our activities.



MinelvaMaduro:
How long has S.A.F.E. SXM been in existence?

Lysanne Charles:
St. Maarten/St. Martin Alliance For Equality (SAFE SXM) Foundation came into existence in the second half of 2013. It was designed and developed over the course of about 4 months and was incorporated on December 10 of that year. So we are almost a year old already. December 10, is International Human Rights Day and we thought it was important that we legally establish the organization on that day in order to reflect the fact that LGBT Rights are in fact Human Rights. The core objectives of SAFE SXM are to empower LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual & Transgender) people on St. Maarten/St. Martin, advocate for their full inclusion in St. Maarten/St. Martin society and work towards a society free of stigma and/or discrimination for all people, but especially LGBT persons. The current members of SAFE SXM, in addition to myself, are Nadjesca Gumbs, Treasurer; Arman Hodge, Secretary; and Gerard van Osch, Nigel Lalman, Mylene Engel and Laurent Drouin Le May as members.

MinelvaMaduro:
What motivated you to form the alliance?

Lysanne Charles:
The motivation for St. Maarten/St. Martin Alliance For Equality (SAFE SXM) Foundation came out of a conversation between Arman Hodge, Nadjesca Gumbs, my wife Morenika Charles - Arrindell and myself, where we expressed the need for a local organization to advocate for LGBT rights and also to plan for ways to bring the community together. From that conversation, I believe in August 2013 or so, I created our facebook group and was introduced to Gerard van Osch, thereafter everything went pretty quickly with a meeting with an initial group of LGBT persons from which a board was designated in order to prepare the foundation. By the end of 2013 everything was in place, including the first board and calendar of events.

MinelvaMaduro:
How long have you know that you were gay?

 

Lysanne Charles:
Lol. I suppose as a child I always knew that I had a particular fondness for girls and women, but of course that was not with any real knowledge of what same-sex desire was. It was only later on when I was a teenager that I really began to understand that I liked girls, as well as boys and only later, later on when I was grown that I understood that in general I prefer women to men. Initially I had a hard time with that; I had been raised Catholic, believing that homosexuality was wrong, and not only wrong, but a sin, but after some time I came to term with my sexual orientation and accepted myself fully and that really opened up a lot of opportunities for happiness for me. I had to let go of the idea of my desires as a sinful and realize that I was almost daily committing the greatest sin against myself, which was not being true to myself and living an authentic life. Once I let go of that and embraced myself in all my nuances, life became more joyful.

MinelvaMaduro:
How and when did you came out?

Lysanne Charles:
Hmmmm, I would say that I had two coming outs. In the first case I told my mother, grandmother and best friends that I thought I liked women and that was already very early in my life, when I was still in my teens, but I had a boyfriend and wasn't really comfortable with the idea of being LGBT. Later on, when I was in my mid-20s it wasn't so much telling people, as just falling in love and having a very public relationship, which sort of made it known. Sometimes, I wish I would have been brave enough to confront and accept myself early on, but I realize that everyone's journey is different and things usually unfold as they must.

MinelvaMaduro:
Did you incur any difficulties when you came out?

Lysanne Charles:
When I initially came out I was told that it would be a phase. I don't think this was done maliciously, but was what everyone involved really believed, after all, I had a boyfriend. Later on when I was older and it came to people's attention that I was same-sex oriented I did not really have any real issues with people, I had worked through my feelings and so I was really comfortable with being open about my sexual orientation. I think it took some people a while to get used to it, but I have always just continued to be myself with people and usually they eventually realize that it's just the same old Lysanne and that my sexual orientation was not the sum of who I had been, was or would ever be.

 

MinelvaMaduro:
How can OUT’N’PROUDSXM and S.A.F.E. work together to encourage the young and old alike to come out? To let them know that it is ok to be who they are!!

Lysanne Charles:
St. Maarten/St. Martin Alliance For Equality (SAFE SXM) Foundation is interested in working with all willing organizations and individuals who are interested in advocating for the full emancipation and inclusion of LGBT people on the island. We encourage people to always be proud of who they are and stay true to themselves. We know that for some people coming out is harder than for others, so we urge people to accept themselves whether they are in or out and to be gentle with themselves during the whole process, because coming out is really just that; a process. It's not something that really happens from one day to the next, but takes some reflection and getting use to. Further we want people to always exercise wisdom in coming out and to put their safety first. For people for whom it would be unsafe to come out immediately we encourage them to, when and where they can, still find ways to engage with LGBT people and/or organizations that can support and empower them. For people for whom it is easier we encourage them to come out when they are ready and confident about who they are and to also always offer support and encourage to others they may know.

MinelvaMaduro:
Can you please outline a few activities that S.A.F.E. will be hosting in the months to come?

Lysanne Charles:
St. Maarten/St. Martin Alliance For Equality (SAFE SXM) will be hosting a discussion meeting on Thursday, October 16th at 7:30pm at the office of the Aids Foundation, on Saturday, November 25th we will be partying at Eros for Halloween, on Sunday, November 9th we be hiking (location to be decided) at 6:30am, on Saturday, November 15th we will have a theatrical production entitled "Don't be afraid of Rainbows" at the John Larmonie Center, in Philipsburg, on Thursday, November 20th we will have a discussion meeting on Relationship Baggage: What to take with you and what to leave behind) at the Office of Aides in Concordia, on Sunday, December 7th, we will be hiking across the Causeway Bridge either in the morning at 6:30am for sunrise or in the evening around 5pm for sunset, then on Wednesday, December 10th we will have our first International Human Rights Day lecture on our 1st Anniversary, this will be at the University of St. Martin at 7:30pm, on Saturday, December 13th we will have the second run of Don't be afraid of Rainbows, again at John Larmonie Center, in Philipsburg and there may be a Old Year's Eve Rainbow Party (but that will be announced later on.) We also have a pretty full schedule for next year as well. In addition we will be hosting the annual Pink Orange Alliance (POA) meeting in November of 2014. We advise anyone interested in our activities to add us on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/safe.sxm. And we encourage everyone to come out and be with us and with each other, whether they are lesbian, gay, bi, trans or ally.

MinelvaMaduro:
I myself didn’t know about S.A.F.E. SXM; I heard about it from a colleague. How can we utilize the medium that we have now to let others know about S.A.F.E. SXM and OUT’N’PROUD SXM?

Lysanne Charles:Our idea is to let the organization grow organically, so mainly we are using word of mouth and also the facebook and g+ pages and safe sxm website. We also network a lot with regional partners so that others outside of the island can know about us also and we also issue press releases about the organization as often as is necessary.

MinelvaMaduro:
What message do you have for the teenagers that are struggling to come out, and for the older ones that have it all bottled up inside?

Lysanne Charles:
You know for the teens I would say take your time. Like I said above coming out is a process, so first learn to accept yourself and really come to terms with what it means to be LGBT, most importantly BE PROUD OF YOURSELF ALWAYS. Then evaluate the people around you to see who will be supportive of you, once you have determined who will be there for you then you can confide in them. Always choose wisely when it comes to telling people, make sure you are not putting yourself in any danger. Once you are out, do not let negative people rattle you and  do not become drawn into uncomfortable conversations with people who seek to put you down. Also though do not retaliate with anger when people attack you verbally based on religious or cultural stances, just let them know you are comfortable and confident with who you are and continue on your way.

Lysanne Charles:
Teenagers tend to be more vulnerable, because they are often still dependent on their parents for many things, including housing, food, clothing, school fees and books, etc. So while people may want to say, just come out, often this is not possible. Where and when it is, we definitely encourage teens to do so, but where and when it is not, we encourage teens to be cautious and exercise wisdom in their approaches. For older individuals, coming out can also be a lengthy process. Again, I would encourage them to become comfortable with the idea of being LGBT and to fully accept themselves. There are people who are afraid to accept that they are LGBT either because of religious reasons or societal stigmas. I would encourage them to research and read more about LGBT history and persons and they would see that same-sex desires and relationships are in fact a part of human history. A lot of biblical passages have been taken out of context and are used to promote anti-gay sentiments in the Caribbean, but contextual readings show that those passages do not actually speak to homosexuality in the ways for which they are currently used. Knowledge is power, so read and research to gain knowledge to empower yourselves. Also get in contact with LGBT persons and/or organizations for support and encouragement, realize you are not alone in this and that you do not have to keep everything bottled up inside.

MinelvaMaduro:
How can you make them feel comfortable enough and welcome, to come to S.A.F.E. SXM and express themselves?

Lysanne Charles:
Well everyone is welcomed at SAFE SXM events, whether you are LGBT, Questioning or an Ally. We pass no judgment on people and encourage persons, particularly LGBT people, to come out and discuss, hike, party, etc., with us. They are welcomed, whether they come individually or in groups, they are welcomed. SAFE SXM events are just that, SAFE spaces and places for LGBT people, so come on out and see that you are free to be you in whatever way you come. 

MinelvaMaduro:
I would like to thank Ms. Lysanne Charles Arrindell, for her interview and words of encouragement and wisdom.  Its alright to be yourself, and not get caught up in the Homophobic behavior of others. S.A.F.E SXM and thier allies are there for each and everyone of us.  Again thank you Lysanne, and I hope to have many more dialog with you in the near future.  THANK YOU!!!!

                                           MINELVA MADURO/ LYSANNE CHARLES.