Relationships 101: Don't Let the Past Ruin The Present

As a teenager, I had a crush on a girl, same age group as I was. At the age of 13, I didn’t know that telling a girl I had a crush on her was wrong. Why??!! Because I felt strongly about her.

One day I got the courage to tell her how I felt about her, in the form of a love letter. I had the love note delivered and awaited her reply. Though she never even took me on, I never stopped trying. We grew close as friends and nothing more, because she eventually turned out to be straight. I used to get jealous of all the attention she used to get from guys, because I wanted to be her one and only, but she wasn’t having it. But I still felt relieved when I told her how I felt, though devastated at the same time because she didn’t feel the same way about me.

 

Even though we are now both grown women, a couple years ago I told her that I still feel the same way about her. But as time passed, I came to realize that it will never happen and we’re better off as BFF’s.

Sometimes in life, things don’t always turn out how you want. I’ve learned to make peace with your past, so it won’t screw up the present. I say that because when I was looking for a girl, I always used to compare them with my high school crush and you knew what happened. I ended up alone, because no one matched up to the criteria. At that time, my past did affect the present.

As I grew older, I’ve had a few meaningless relationships with lesbian and bi-sexual women. Entering into a relationship with a bi-sexual woman, from my experience is very painful and stressful on the heart.  When you’re in love with someone, you want to be with them every minute of every day. However with a bi-sexual woman you can’t, so your relationship with her is neither here or there, because there is a man in the picture. I learnt my lesson a long time ago, not to get involved with any bi-sexual woman unless it’s just you and her.  A real lesbian will never enter into a relationship with a bisexual woman.  bi-sexuals like to use the term “the best of both worlds”. There is no problem with having that. But it's not going to happen with me.

I love to be treated the way I treat you. As a lesbian, I would not put myself in  that type of relationship with a bi-sexual woman. I'm a very serious woman when it comes to my sexuality, and what others think of me is none of my business. With that said, stay tune for part two of Relationships 101: When a lesbian enters a relationship with a straight woman.

P.S: No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

M. Maduro

 

 

 

Q&A With A Close Friend Of 7 Years

I recently sat down with a longtime friend of mine and got her to open up about our friendship and her feelings regarding me and my lifestyle. The highlights of that conversation are posted below

Q: What did you think of me when you first saw and spoke to me? – Me
A: When I first saw you I knew you had feelings for the same sex and when you spoke to me, I wanted to know why you chose that road – Friend

Q: What was my reply to you concerning my way of life? – Me
A: You answered me and told me that you were that way from very young and it’s a feeling deep inside you. - Friend

Q: What was your reaction when you realized I am very serious about my way of life? - Me
A: My reaction to your answer was not a happy one. - Friend

Q: Do you care to elaborate a little more on your previous answer? – Me
A: Due to the fact that you’re a nice person, very caring, my feelings are that you will be a very caring and loving mother. Also you would be a perfect partner for a guy. – Friend

Q: Over the course of the (7) seven years that you have known me. Have you ever seen a change in my attractions towards the same sex? – Me
A: No! As a matter of fact it’s gotten worse. Why I say that, is because your eyes are looking all over the world. – Friend

Q: Give me a brief summary of how our friendship is today compared to when you first met me? – Me
A: Well my friendship towards you grew stronger. The reason why I say this is because as much as I  promise you I would find a guy for you, all you did was smile. Most of all I respect you for who you are and that will never change our friendship. I am very happy that you made up your mind to let everyone know how you feel about yourself. I will pray still for you to get a husband. – Friend

We were all smiles and laughed at the end of the interview”

M. Maduro

500+ And Counting!

With your support this blog has received over 500+ views in the space of one week! This is an amazing achievement by any standards. I hope to continue to inspire others by speaking freely and sharing my opinion.

There is no need to look down on anyone else, they struggle through life just as you do, they have just chosen another path.

The reason why I say this is because I don't want anyone to be misguided by my blog page. The reason I started this page is because I see so many young people out there who are struggling with their true identity and if I want to make a difference in someone's life about opening up and being themselves, what better way to start than with no one other than myself.

You see in the 70's and 80's and even before then, Gays, Lesbians and Bisexuals existed, but the issues were just never spoken about; it was taboo. So maybe that's why I didn't really feel the pressure's of hiding who I really am. I continued on with my life as is. Maybe in a good way, that situation made it very easy for me to be open and I didn't have to hide.

Now that I'm grown, I'm still not going to hide who I am. Don't be afraid!

You can email your stories to outnproudsxm@gmail.com and we will post it on my page.

Be Out N Proud!

P.S: Be proud of who or what you are.

M. Maduro

Q&A with M. Maduro and Father

As I continue to share my journey and experiences, I decided to ask my father a couple of questions that were on my mind since my last blog post. The results of that conversation are highlighted in the Q&A below:

Q: When did you find out that I am a lesbian? - Minelva
A: when you first came to St. Maarten  to live with me. I was upset with the fact that you only wore pants and I consoled you to buy skirts and dresses, though my counsel went unheeded by you and you told me than and there that "I Only Like Pants". - Father
 
Q: What was your reaction when I told you I only like pants? - Minelva
A: As you know it brought about a very serious conflict of opinion between us.- Father
 
 
Q: Do you care to elaborate on that?- Minelva
A: Yes I will elaborate a little. Because you were determined to wear your pants and I was determined that you must wear your dresses and conform yourself as a young woman in the same fashion as your other sisters.- Father
 
Q: Did you see any changes in me after our conflict of opinion?- Minelva
A: Not the simplest one. you were headstrong in your determination and I in mines. Not realizing that you had a very strong attraction to the same sex.- Father
 
Q: After your realized my attraction to the same sex, what were your reactions?- Minelva
A: I became very furious and even more determined that you had to become the type of child that I wanted you to become, and your duty was to obey and not to disobey and I would make you obey.- Father
 
Q: Did I obey you?- Minelva
A: Yes in your own manner, by just continuing on the road you begun to travel.- Father
 
Q: What is your opinion of me now as a grown woman?- Minelva
A: I have found that you have developed with a very serious approach to things pertaining you. I have noticed very keenly that many who claimed to be lesbians are not in your category of choice and association. On the other hand your frank admission of your feelings has eradicated all possible traces of suspicion as to where your sentiments are. Others pretend to be male lovers and admirers while being consumed by other desires. It is much better if we admit who, what and how we are and adjust our lives accordingly.- Father

Q: Have you ever spoken to another gay or lesbian besides me?- Minelva
A: No, I haven't spoken to any other gay or lesbian in the manner in which I have spoken to you. I assume that they want to be who they are but pretend to be someone else. They shy away from serious contacts with anyone who inquires about their feelings as gays or lesbians, causing one to believe that they are ashamed and regret the fact that they are who they are. - Father
 
 
 James E. Maduro interviewed by M. Maduro

Words from a Friend

I'd like to take a moment to share a comment that I received through email from a friend J. Mel after reading my first blog post.

"Good story, might help others. I am not one to condemn you, one is the way they are. My thing with Christians is if we all know that all sins are sin, there is no greater sin. Why condemn people based on that fact. Our human eyes and views may deceive us, but God is the one to judge not man!!! Christian are not! Job well done my friend."

Comments Issue Resolved - You can now post freely

I've gotten a number of complaints from blog readers that they are not able to post comments. This issue has now been resolved.

If you don't have a Google account please choose the profile "Anonymous" You may then post your comments freely.

I look forward to hearing what you think.


M. Maduro

My Dad’s Reaction To My First Blog Post

It is my true conviction that I do not approve of my daughter’s lifestyle due to biblical teachings. However she’s my daughter and I do not see in no manner whatsoever; that my daughter’s lifestyle should influence my love for her.

Regardless of her lifestyle, it is my duty as her father to love her, give her counsel and support her in any manner possible through life. It is my belief, that one day my daughter will realize that her efforts may bring about a change in a manner of dealing with her friends and acquaintances of the same sex.

Until then, let her live her life as she pleases, for she’s a grown young woman and very capable of making and executing her own decisions.

Mr. James E. Maduro