As a little girl growing up on the island of St. Kitts and getting to know myself, I knew I represented diversity and I always knew that I was unique.
Everyone saw me as a normal little girl and I guess I acted and behaved as such. I grew up with my grandmother and grandfather as well as my aunt and uncle. My normal day to day life included going to church with my grandmother or granddad every Sunday, until I made the choice to get baptized as a Seven Day Adventist. Now that all seemed like the right thing to do back then in the late 70’s and early 80’s, it’s also what was expected of a young child.
After attending church services, I couldn’t wait to get home and put my pants on and play ball or marbles. Playing basketball, netball, cricket and marbles was the norm for me, as well as my relationships with girls. I received plenty of attention from guys and I still do but, this wasn’t normal to me. So from a pretty young age I knew I had an attraction to women. Growing up, I had a thing for older women and to think I was only 12 years old at the time.
I always knew that I liked girls, even before the age of 12. What I didn’t realize is that as I grew older, my grandmother figured me out. I never told her anything because there was nothing to hide, so I continued to live my normal day to day life. If memory serves my correct, I think it’s my grandmother who told the rest of my family of my lifestyle. I can’t recall when or where she told everyone, but I know she did it. I was fine with her telling everyone because I wasn’t hiding it and in fact I didn’t know how to. I am happy that I didn’t choose to hide my sexuality.
However, my normal way of living bothered mom and I knew it bothered my dad too. It hurt me to see them hurting becauseof my sexual preference. I never really considered how my brothers and sisters felt about having a gay sister. I knew that my younger brother by my mom was angry with it, but as time passed I think he came to accept the way I live my life. I don’t love my mom, dad and siblings any less as they are my world. All I needed from them was for them to not love me any less. It wasn’t important to me that they accepted my sexuality but continue to love me the same.
The majority of my friends are straight; I also didn’t hide my sexuality with them. I knew they saw my behavior and were uncomfortable with it. But I never said anything because we remained the same people despite our sexual preference and that was fine with me, just as long as we respected each other as individuals.
To my brother and sister in this life, don’t hide anymore, being open and honest is the key to your happiness. You might lose some family and friends along the way, but give them time to heal their wounds. Once they see how happy you really are, they will eventually come around.
No matter what type of family you come from or what friendship circle you belong to, you have to make sure that you are happy with yourself.
P.S. Don’t hide the true you. Your parents and friends probably knows already.
M. Maduro
