ALEXANDER DICK: "COMING OUT STORY " PART 1

As a little boy, I grew up with my grandmother because my mother was not ready for me.  I was her unexpected child child, because she was not ready to have a child.  She was only 20 years old, she had no job, no money and she did not finish school.  That's why my granny had to take over and raise me "properly" on her own.  With properly I meant extremely strict and with a lot of manners.  I started feeling like a prince.

Growing up with highly exaggerated house rules and manners made me feel like I was not at home in my own home.  I could not express myself the way I wanted to.  When I was 9 years old my mother claimed that she was ready since her 16th birthday.  According to my mother, my grandmother was exaggerating the whole situation that she could not handle a child.  After two (2) weeks of fighting over who was going to stay with the child my mother won.  I went to live with my mother and her partner.  My mother was not strict at all.  She was a regular teenager/ young mom trying to have some fun, even though she had a child.

As the days passed by, I started to realize that her partner was the finest thing I had ever seen.  He was like an African-American supermodel or a highly paid pornstar.  He was tall and a really nice guy.  He was dark skinned, really nice shaped muscles and bright white teeth.  He was just a  desirable man, the solution to most of my worries.

Later on in puberty, I started to behave and act like a lady at school.  The students were calling me names constantly, it was a nightmare.  Being bullied at school made me realize that my grandmother was protecting me.  She was protecting me in such a way with her extreme set of house rules from getting noticed or even bullied.  I always say, "you can't hide the sun with one finger".  As the days kept passing I started to get more attracted to boys.  It didn't seem like I had a choice, I didn't have to choose between boys and girls.  I just happened to like guys, especially my mom's partner, because this guy sleeps and walks naked in the mid-night so I could see him every night.

Let's move on.  My mom loved to buy me boyish stuff and toys. I only used to play with them once and then I'd put them aside.  I was more interested in dolls and girly stuff that my mom prohibited me to play with, but every weekend  I used to go to my cousin's house and played dolls with her.  I would even borrow 2 or 3 dolls to play with secretly in my room when I reached home.  As I was growing up, I started watching girly tv series and pageants, as I started to get more and more attracted to boys.  When I was 15, I was in my lotus bloom.  I wanted to discover more about being GAY, and explore the world around me, that my family had hidden from me.  They were treating like a mutant or a person who had some wierd disease.

Do you know the popular song from Indina Menzel, "LET IT GO"?  Well I felt quite like that.  I was 15, I was this pretty young boy that wanted to know everything about having feelings for the same sex.  At first, I thought that this was wrong or I'd been cursed somehow, but then I realized that it's something inside of me that cannot be reversed or taken away.  It's a part of you that makes you who you really are.  Nothing can change you, and after that I started being fearless.  When I was 16 years old, I was so confident about myself that even my straight friends started to admire me, and the strong personality that I have.  Even though I was sweet and nice, I spoke my mind and did whatever I liked to.  You can break me down, you can throw me now, the harder out, the harder I come back around.

You can break my heart, but you can't scratch me.  I can take a 'hit', because I am an indestructible boomerang with this thought in my mind.  I opened and close many doors of people, I experience good and also very bad moments in my life.  Being GAY  IS A TOUGH THING, AND I'VE LEARNED HOW TO MANAGE IT.  I have a lot of friends, people who love me and admire me.  I have a wonderful boyfriend that supports me in everything, so why should I care when they're calling me names or talk shit behind my back?  I'm not wasting my voice and time on worthless people.

People were gossiping since the beginning of time so why should you care?  It's your life!  Acceptance is the only key to truly being free.  I know that this world is a nightmare for most of you out there, but all you have to do is BE STRONG!!!  With my 18 years of life, I can say I did a lot and confronted many obstacles, BUT I'M STILL A FEARLESS BITCH.!!  GRACIAS!


ALEXANDER DICK xoxo.